Windswept Curtains

i was hoping to watch some of fatal frame 4 trailers on youtube.. but everybody went to sleep.. and i am the only one awake in this unfamiliar house (sort of. at night).. and there are some windows open.. point is, my imagination's getting ahead of me.. haven't watched the scary vids yet but.. ^^;;

oh we're at kyan's btw.
and i love his laptop. im pretending it's mine.. see? uber wild imagination..

++++++++

jo suzi and i walked around elbi around this afternoon. unfortunately it was already dark and we only have camera phones and not much photos were taken.. we approached a cute husky named Wacky. it seems there's a group of dog owners who meet there every weekend.. i wonder where are the cat owners group.. hmm.. but now that i think about it, that's impossible.. cats dont have owners. they have slaves.. >.< meow~

will try to post some of the photo's that we did take around the renovated mariang banga.. astig ginawa nila dun!!! but dont expect much,since camera phones nga lang..

+++++++++

dapat susuko na rin ako't matutulog na.. (no sleep for 23 hrs now) kaya lang sabi ni louis check ko daw si Marie Digby. was amazed to find out na sya pala kumanta ng 'Say it Again'. nice songs. cute pa. ^^ also check her 'Stupid for You'. beware. it's catchy. ^.~

nangungulit yung isang bata dyang mag update daw e..

there's nothing to tell really.. i just celebrated my birthday and im now 25 yrs old.. kasing edad ko na most of my kada.. nothing has changed much, except i have a larger clothing size na.. and i also seem to be losing what's left of my meager communication and writing skills.

hmmm.. may be i shouldnt write anything right now.. it'll just be a rant fest..
a, before i finish ranting,gusto ko magbakasyon!!!!!
crapasu..


oh and still dont have an mp3 player but i did buy nokia's walkman phone..

hwe... customer service is starting to take it's toll on me... haay... recently dinidibdib ko na mga bad calls ko.. >.< tawagin ba naman akong 'little witch'. O_o i can still remember the tone of her voice.. i think that's the first time i heard some one use that tone on me. (kaya siguro traumatic?) hindi mo naman maiwasang may may masambot kang bad calls everyday.. kanina naman 'i hope your building blows up'. i know,i know.. ang babaw.. and i know,i know hindi talaga ko personally kaaway nya.. pero symepre ako sumasambot no? at least hindi ko sila kaharap.. meek pa rin naman ako sa phone... Y_Y i envy some of my team mates.. ang taray,katakot.. pero ayoko naman kasing manakot.. even on mute i dont curse at my callers (ows?? does saying 'teh' already considered swearing? i guess..)at least hindi malulutong na P.I. maybe i'll try my other teammate's style.. he sings.. -_-;;

suzi passed the interview here on our company.. i wonder if she already signed the contract though.. havent heard from her and she did say she was going to text me as soon as she finished the final interview.. asan na ba un??

i need to do some unwinding.. maybe i'll start using my vacation leaves... one week... ang sarap naman nun..


I WANT TO BE AN IRATE CUSTOMER SERVICE REP!!!

.. not really..

but i am sleepy,later i am going to count the minutes till its time to log out! 5 am seems such a long time from 1 am.. T_T

i was just updating my blogger account (i was just wasting time..

it's almost time to take calls again.. (sigh..)
maybe i'll continue this later..

sleep tight every one!

PS. i just updated my layout! its nice right? a bit sad.. but nice.. but sad.. hmmm..

its been a long time since i last posted... december? may gawd...
well there have been some changes in my work..
im part of the member services team... meaning i get to speak with the customers themselves,get to speak with very old people, who can suprisingly access their online accounts.. there are those old people also still sharp enough that they notice if there's any discrepancies regarding their billing statements. and im talking about 80+ year old people here.. and of course there are those customers who are just so persistent why their insurance wont allow them to have an early refill for their meds. is it my fault your insurance doesnt cover vacation supplies?? i dont care if they pay thousands every year for their insurance! they'll have to bring it p with their insurance company for crying out loud. (calm down cherrie calm down...)
and id just like to clarify things,that we're not the insurance. we represent the company who *manages* their insurance. if you ask me,they're just making their life complicated. but then who am i to question,i have a job right? if only i could suggest that they just migrate to philippines. they would be able to get their meds without much hassle and for a much cheaper price..
but then there are some kicks... like its nice to hear that you have been a great help to them.. and that you have a great voice.. lols!
its a bit disturbing at first if you were not able to do anything.. but then you really could not help everyone and you do have to follow SOPs or else you'll just add up the customer's problems.. it is fun in a way... and i learned some things and met other people.. so in a way i am grateful that i was cross trained to MS.. though i wouldn't mind staying a PS until i get bored out of my mind...
and then there is a small bit of salary increase... which i dont feel.. damn taxes!

urg... i think im developing a sore throat.. or may be it's already one... TT__TT
not to mention its too cold on the floor... i wonder who will be kind enough to give me a nice warm comfy comforter? then may be add pillows... and maybe i could go sleep on our floor. hehehe...
and i think im getting bigger.. O.o all i do is eat,sleep and take in calls (which i mainly do sitting)... plus im developing a craving for sweets.. sarap kasi nung cake dito sa pantry.. TT__TT
well this turned out to be ranting post... teh.
at least "forced " OT was cancelled!!! YEY!!!! more time to sleep..
and in our idle moments,was making my christmas list.. sana hindi na madagdagan..^^;; however,i could only think of one thing to give them all.. and i tdon't think my budget could take it... (what budget??!!??)

i think it'll be better if i sign out now... =P

it's a bit late..and most of my friends here have already taken their lunch.
was just browsing through my previous posts... binasa ko yung post ko about our last anniversary before our breakup.. medyo nga naalala ko kung ano yung mga nangyari nun.. mejo malakas tama nun beer nun kasi gutom na kami..
asar ako nun sa kanya kasi ang tagal tagala nyang dumating.. i was busy the entire day,exams and reports,sunod sunod yung subjects.. he promised he wouldn't attend his training hangga't hindi nya ko nakikita.. natuwa naman ako.. cguro part na rin sinadya kong hindi magpakita sa kanya para hindi sya umattend ng training.. pero hindi na talaga rin ako nakadaan ng h5.. i was surprised and disappointed when i got to h5 a nd learned na nagtraining pala sya.. pero sabi ko hayai na. so i waited.. until 10:30pm.. dumating sya.. pawisan.. hindi daw sya makaalis.. cge hayai na.. and so we went out to eat. balak nya daw talaga sa lacxo. but it's too late,so naghanap na lang kami dyan sa grove. and parang ordertaker nga ang nangyari.. usap kami... i feel a bit awkward then.. bakit nga ba? i was kinda pushing myself to be genki... touched daw ako when he told me na binawi nya yung pangbayad nya dapat sa org shirt nya.lam kong excied na sya dun e.. kwento kwento.. may isa lang naman kaasar dun sa kwentuhan namin.. kailangan nya pang isingit yung isang kwento tungkol sa isang tao.. i told himt hen and there what i felt. so he shut upped about her. may tama na ko nun.. we went back to h5. on our way there,nakasalubong namin bsat.. nagyaya nga maginom.. bumalik muna kaming h5 to get our things,nee-san gave me a shot of something hard... saya.diretso sa utak. lango agad si cherrie. still,i was not that drunk na hindi ko na kaya umuwi. sabi ni louis,sama da syang org.. kailangan daw.. baka may sabihin sila or something.. i can still remember yung feeling ko nun. disappointed but nagpapakamartyr. i tolgd him go ahead.kaya ko pang umui,basta wag lang syang masyadong maginom at magpagabi. at to try to text kung nakauwi na sya...
i didn't try to look much into what i felt. nagpapasalamat ako ngayon sa isang shot na binigay ni nee-san sakin nun... umuwi at natulog ako nun na masaya at nagbubulag bulagan.
alam mo kung anong nararamdaman ko habang binabasa yung anniv entry ko? nakakaawa ako.. nagbubulagan sa bagay na kitangkita ko na ... ang sinungaling ko talga sa sarili ko...
i hope.. di ko na kakailanganin ng isa pang shot...

i dunno what triggered this thought..
..pero naisip ko..
kung ako kaya nasa position nya..ganun rin kaya gagawin ko?

if i get it right (yung madalas n sinasabi sa anime : you should be honest to yourself) she was being honest to herself.. pinaparamdam nya lang kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman nya..
..sa tingin ko kung ako nasa posisyon nya.. aatras ako.. i-ddeny ko ano man ang nararamdamn ko.. magpapaka martyr ako kasi feeling ko sayang naman yung pinagsamahan nila.. (besides na i have this tendency na magpaka martyr..) and that its wrong! (pero right and wrong could be blurred depende sa point of view nung tao..) or maybe im just being biased.
sa totoo lang hindi ko rin alam..

..though naisip ko rin naman.. magkaiba ba yung being honest to yourself and being honest ot others? does it come together? (teh hell di ko matnadaan idiom. ano nga ba yun?)(o tama daw) a! do (does?) they come hand in hand? pwede ka bang maging honest sa sarili mo tapos magsisinungaling ka dun sa kausap mo? ,,sa tingin mo anong mas madaling pagsinungalingan: sarili mo o ibang tao? minsan kasi kahit alam mo na yung totoo sa sarili mo,dinedeny mo pa rin.. bakit nga ba kailangan gawin yun? of course.. because takot tayo.. ako rin suamsagaot sa sarili ko no?

haay.. uwi na nga..

as most of the time,my mind drifted while staying longer than necessary under the shower..
i thought that i want to make another poem. and i am a bit frustrated that i cannot seem to make one. a good one. anything. it seemed so easy then back in highschool and the early college years. i cannot seem to understand why i cannot make one today.. actually,it seemed to disappear as my relationship with louis lengthens.. i cannot understand why now.. when this was the time when i am supposed to be more inspired to be poetic. people in love are supposed to spout romantic and poetic nonsense right? then why? why? WHY????

it really worries me from time to time.. thinking that the reason why i can't seem to make one is that what i feel for louis is not the real thing.. why does it when it comes to my feelings for louis i always feel so insecure? it was one if the reason for our break up. i did not believe that we could make it without the constant presence of each other.. i am always so afraid that our relationship would come to an end that i just went ahead and tried to finish it prematurely.. stupid really.. it really is no wonder that i feel so threatened with maya,who seems so sure of her feelings.. because i am very afraid i'll lose him i end up pushing him farther.. why can't i be more like those silly heroines who is always so optimistic and who believes that their happiness would last forever..? or is it that they believe that it would not last forever that they try to cherish it as much as possible?

when i was just a silly romantic child i thought loving someone would be so simple. that once you have confessed to each other that you love one another it would be just smooth sailing from there on.. it would be happily ever after.. i really am disillusioned with that phrase. i never thought that it was just be another beginning and that the hard part is just about to happen.

..huh! i ranted once again.. to go back to my previous train of thoughts.. despite my somewhat depressing thinking,i got out of the shower room in a rather lighter spirits. Why? beacause another silly thought came to me.. i thought that may be the reason that i cannot make a poem about my feelings is because this is what the songs mean as "indescribable".. (reader: ...) yes i know. "what a silly notion!" but i took it as a lifeline. to be fair,my feelings for him IS indescribable. i never know where to start. i never know what to say. i usually feel confused and inadequate. it is just when he hugs me that i am completely at peace. i really could die in those arms.. not that i already want to die. i have not done anything in my life yet! anyway, i am somehow beginning to understand that 'in chaos there is peace',his favorite phrase. (makes me wonder if he understands it himself..shh!!!)

..they're kinda taking a long long time playing DOTA again.. haay.. what to do.. what to do...

to finish this.. i just want to say that whatever happens i will do my best to hold on and love him as best as i could...

too much mush!!!! teh hell!!!

when i was a little girl i've always dreamed that there'll be this guy who'll just be everything i wanted ( ano man yung mga yun) he'll make me fall in love with him and of course i would. then we will happily ever after.
.. except im starting to realize that there is no such thing as "happily ever after". you would only see this "happy ever after" when in your death bed. and that is no certainty if you have indeed attained it. ..though may be it depends on how you see life and wether you'll see the good times rather than the bad.

minsan gusto ko nang sumuko with louis.. naloloka na ko sa aming dalawa.. para kaming sira na hindi magkasundo at hindi magkaintindihan.. gusto ko na'ng sumuko but pag naaalala ko nang nagbreak kami,bigla kong maiisip na huwag sumuko.. bakit nga ba? what is it with us that we try to hold on to? sometimes it's not enought that two people love each other.. pero we still try.. dapat nga ba? is it worth it?
biglang nagtext si maya kagabi,saying ingatan ko daw si louis at mahal na mahal nya daw kasi si louis. pero ako naman daw ang mahal ni louis.. at first i was really stunned.. hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko.. but it just occurred to me kung ano nga ba dapat.. i want to tell her na hindi na nya kailangan abihin na ingatan si louis,because talagang aalagaan ko yung pangit na yun.. mahal ko sya kahit anong mangyari.. and nakakabaliw to know that a person could have that great effect with your feelings and life.. kagabi ang gusto kong sabihin kay maya ay kung pwede lang ipapaubaya ko na si louis sa kanya.. it just so happen na hindi ko kayang gawin yun kasi mahal ko si louis.i could not give him up.not again.. kaya feeling ko pag nagbreak ulit kami mas mahihirapan na kong bumangon uli.. kasi alam kong i've tried again and i've failed once again. kaya gusto ko na sigurado na si louis.. ayoko na talagang sumabak sa isang reltionship na hindi nya naman din sigurado sa sarili nya..(i know i know..it's unfair..) kagabi he told me some of the things he wished for us.. hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko na ngayon nya lang kinuwento sakin yun.. naisip ko tuloy if it were really his wish for us or is it his wish for himself... sabi nya hindi nya daw kayang mangarap ulit. everytime napapapunta daw ang thoughts nya dun bglang sasabihin sa sariling,wag na muna.. sa susunod na lang.. gusto kong sabihn sa kanya nun na sabihin nya na lang sakin kung handa na syang gumawa ng mag pangarap nya.. otherwise hindi yata advisable na maging kami before that happens.. pero naisip ko rin na hindi rin naman yata tama yun.. sya na naman ang pinagtrabaho ko.. naiip ko na sisimulan ko.. tapos ikukuwento ko sa kanya.. tapos kung gusto nya maki join in..^^ i want to make hime dream agan.. if possible,with me..pero kung talagan kinakailangan,kahit kasam nya na ibang tao.. basta masaya sya.. i just want him to be happy...and im really afraid na hindi ko kayang ibigay sa kanya yun...
sa susunod ulit.. pinapapunta nya nako h5..

yup. drew told us the bad news.. demmit.. di pako nakakakain ng unlimited maki! demmit!

...end na naman ng isa pang semestre sa UPLB.. para sa iba la lang masyadong nangyari.. tuloy pa rin ang buhay.. may next sem pa.. magkikita pa rin sila..ang mga subjects na ibinagsak ay hopefully ipapasa na next sem.. or this summer..

...at hindi nako kasali don.. weird na masaya.. masayang hindi makapaniwala.. hindi nako estudyante.. O_o natapos ko rin sa wakas.. kahit papaano natapos ko rin.. masaya na rin ako.. ano kayang sasabihin ng dad ko sa langit? weird naman ang feeling kasi pitong taon rin na ganito lang ang buhay ko.. araw araw.. walang pinag kaiba.. at ngayon kailangan nang magtapos.. medyo naliligaw akong hindi ko maintindihan..saan na nga ba ko pupunta? ano na nga bang dapat kong gawin..?

..i'll learn.. sooner or later.. one step at a time lang.. i am sure pagkatapos kong matakot,everything will look better..=) hmmm.. never really realize na optimistic ako.. =P

ha! as if!

nakita ko lang sa mga list.. and la ko maisip na title..

i just want to tell you that a chapter of my life has ended.. as always when a chapter of your life is closing it'll be hard to let go. well actually it depends. with this chapter however it'll be. and it is. BUT shit happens and all we could do is pinch our noses and continue trudging on with our heads held high, shouders straight (well as far as i could with my scoliosis) as we try to keep our balance in all that muck.

and...CUT!

wala na ko masabi...

wahahah! just watched Fatal Frame 3 trailer!!

i cant wait for the piratas to have a copy.. hehe..

here's a summary i copied from 'Beyond the Camera's Lens'

Zero ~Shisei no Koe~ or
Fatal Frame III: The Tormented
Console: Playstation 2
Release date: Japan - July 28th 2005
USA -November 14th (or 20th) 2005
Europe - March 2006

23 year old freelance photographer Rei Kurosawa has found herself in a difficult position. On a routine job assignment in photographing a reportedly 'haunted house' one of her photograph's reveals her dead fiance(Yuu Aso) in the picture. Confused, bewildered, and a little scared, she recruits the help of writer Kei Amakura, a close friend of her boyfriend, and her assistant Miku Hinasaki. The group decides to explore the mansion. However, as the nights pass on, Rei discovers a blue snake tattoo slowly inching up over her body. What's worse, some of the spirits that have begun to appear in the mansion have the same tattoo.

with...

bleh!

october 6 was almost over but louis and i still managed to have dinner. (tagal kasi ng training e..and it was the first time i saw louis). he was planning to take me to lacxo but it was as i said very late and we had to think somewhere nearby.. well, we settled in a one of the restaurants in grove. however i dont its name.. ^^;; the menu was ok but because of the lateness they only had chicken meals (talk about order-taker!) the food was also long in coming.. we kinda played boggles to pass the time.. e ang tagal ng order namin so we ordered beer.. si louis red horse,san mig light lang sakin. tamang tama naman dumating si most awaited food. we ate contentendly,making idle chat. besides sa isang nakakaasar na singit na kwento ni louis it was a nice dinner. =P so we talked and dranked.. medyo weird nang takbo ng utak ko..
we decided to head back to H5 (we left our things there) it was already around 11 pm. we even saw hill,kasama mga barkada na mukhang nag iinom. then nakasalubong namin mga BSAT, nagyayang mag inom din.. louis promised na susunod na lang daw kami.. sa H5, medyo napa chika kami kay nee-san. nabanggit nya na kagagaling lang don nina jen. and i told him na nakasalubong nga namin sila. kqento pa nga nila na inubos na nila ung tequila. and that i was saddened kasi di ko pa rin natitikman un.. suddenly he jumped up and pagbalik nya hinugasan nya na ung shot glass and asked kung gano ko kadami gusto nung brandy nya. (binigay nya pala sakin un as we were talking and i was embracing the bottle) and nahiya naman ako tumanggi kasi bigla nya ngang hinugasan ung shot glass and cge sabi ko,unting unti.. and i drank and... grabe.. alcohol.. parang ung alcohol galing alcohol lamp! and ayun.. lakas nang tama.. i was aware, but i cant control my laughter.. para akong nasa precipice and kung uminom pako ng kahit kaunting alcohol pa, i would have fallen over the edge.. we went to the meeting place na napagkasunduan.. medyo nagmamadali na silang uminom.. but i have an exam the next day(zoo122 lect of all exams!), so i told louis, una nako.. kayo ko pa naman umuwi.. and that's how our 4th anniversary ended.. medyo high ako natulog.. ^__^

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You give and take equally in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent. You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored. You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts. And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

Hearts...normal...you have your ups and downs and
turn-abouts. No body could pick you out of a
crowd, and you don't mind.


What Card Suit Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


-----

ay naku..quizzessss... masaya.. pero bakit parang hindi tumutugma? 0.0?

found this in crala's blog.. evil me according to the horoscope..

I am an Aquarius.
(Also known as "Water Bearer")
My Horroscope starts like this:
" A hopeless and helpless dreamer, forever out of touch with reality, an Aquarius is ever lost in his own fantasy world. " (Read more | Find yours)

the first line could be true.. really..

meorw~ im supposed to be doing another research on one of my SP papers.. of course,a little non- academic surfing wouldn't hurt.. =P

here's a personality cocktail generator thingy.. got it from sesu~ funfun.. ^___^

How to make a cherrie

Ingredients: 3 parts pride 5 parts humour 5 parts instinct

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lovability

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

-------
For more or less interesting news..

Today is my and My Frog Prince's 4th Anniversary~!!!!! ^____^
Happy Anniversary, kero-chan!!!!

*insert lots of hugs and kisses*

mwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwah
mwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwah
mwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwah
mwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwah
mwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwah!!!!

^________^

hwe... great timing though.. it's in the middle of the hell week.. ^^;;
seems to imply something about our relationship.. hehe..

yeah this entry would just be pure emo-ness.. and blabber.. nasa mood ako magblabber ngayon.. even wrote a 'comparatively' long reply to paul tarnate.. weird..

post ko lang isang poem ko dati.. kung ayaw mo mag emo then get out! =P a,page down pala..

lying on
some one else's bed,
i close my eyes
letting the sad melody
wash over me.
i close my eyes
hoping, wishing
for a dream of you,
knowing you'd
never feel my longing
for you;
knowing no matter
how hard i pray
or wish on
a thousand falling stars,
you'll not be there
when i open my eyes.
and if i do dream of you
i'll wish never
to wake up.
rather than live in a
reality where you
dream of some one else.
--August 6, 2005

wow.. monthsari pala namin nang ginawa ko to. how nice. (im being sarcastic,if you dont know)
it's crap. parang form ng prose na inayos lang para gawing daw poem.. crap..crap..

may balak akong gawing version nito e, where the speaker wakes up in another bed again. but this time she's naked and she's with another man!!! hahaha!
Trivia: most of my poems e nangyayari sakin.. or feel ko.. (whatever that means) does this mean i want to wake up naked in stange guy's bed? sa panaginip!!! ugh! i cant even sleep totally naked in my own bed in my own room.. (kaya nga sa panaginip lang e)

another thing i learned today: mahirap humikab nang may lamang candy ang iyong bunganga.. kaw ba,kaya mo? naputol hikab ko kanina.. =(
may polo (the mint with a hole) ako dito,want some?
walang ilaw sa h5!!! or rather ayaw gumana lahat ng circuits..somebody must explain this to me..
mahirap bang intindihin ang isang lyrics ng kantang direct to the point naman ang sinasabi? ang labo..

</div>

yup,browsing thfough forums again.. as i said before forums could be very addictive..

anyway,found a japanese name generator

the result?

My japanese name is 中村 Nakamura (center of the village) 美晴 Miharu (beautiful clear sky).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

   rewr.. need i say more?

    yesterday was supposed to be fun.. somehow i was really excited about it.. having seen the big scrawl of someone on my planner for weeks now, how the hell was i supposed to forget it and not anticipate september 21 2205?! it was ruined anyway. the magic of the day was gone.. this is really bad poetry/prose.. bad.. same as my coming days.. can i just volunteer to a cyrogenic experiment and wake up after another millenium? i wonder if there'll be still an earth..

    good news: my undergraduate seminar is over!!! harhar!!! crappy good news! urgh...

   read fables! by vertigo comics. great story! never thought the big bad wolf could be so cool.. hehe..